where are you now

i heard it on the radio this afternoon. i like the song. the video is pretty nice. :)

hormonal imbalance.

i don't know why this has to happen now, but i'm feeling a mixture of emotions right now. if i were an emoticon, i'd be like this.



1. i feel so crappy today. i cannot understand how i arrived in this state. basta i feel so crappy. thank you for mr. kabab with lei and gar though. that made my day.

2. immersion tomorrow, and there's just soooo much stuff that has to be done for next week:
- ENTA: fix PMS. (get notes from the minutes of the meeting. make kulit tal about attendance of the members)
- ENTA: rehearsals. drop scripts soon. CRUUNCH TIME. i'm stressed already. they didn't have rehearsals today. :(( :((
- ENTA: Magis Sesquicentennial thing! :)
- PHILO: that 300 page reading. 'nuf said.
- ITALIAN: i've been cutting, and i heard that there's a poem involved. how do i contact people, i don't even know anyone, except for martin, in class. arggh.
- EDUCPSY: Learning Styles Case Study. I have to interview someone and create a profile on his/her learning styles. to be submitted on aug3 thursday.
- ABNORMAL PSY: bonus credits. watch a movie to be uploaded over the weekend. and then make a paper on it. arg.
- HISTORY: graded recitation on japanese time (WHEN WILL THIS END?!?!), paper on re-living history, and Quirino/Roxas report. AM I MAJOR IN HISTORY?????? ARGH ANNOYING.

BUT CAN I DO ALL THESE?!?!?!? NO. BECAUSE I'M OUT FOR THE WEEKEND FOR MY IMMERSION.

3. i am tired of thinking. of overthinking. of trying to figure out things. i'm tiiired. yes, i need this weekend, BUT I NEED THE IMMERSION MORE. I AM FRIGGIN TIRED. I NEED TO GET AWAY FROM EVERYTHING. I NEED TO GET AWAY. PLEASE TAKE ME AWAY!!!! PLEASE. ARRRGH.



i will try, as much as possible, to be thankful for today too:

1. for the EB meeting. sabawan man ito, it still made me laugh. :) thank you.
2. for immersion tomorrow. yes please, take me away.
3. for friends. gar and lei thank you for mr. kabab, jellybeans, chupachups and etc. :)
4. i'm gonna quit second-hand smoking guyzz!!! *EHEM* GUYZ.
5. thank you mommy and daddy. :)



I FEEL SO CRAPPY. CRAPPY CRAPPY CRAPPY. AAAAARRGGGHHHH.
AAAAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRGGGGGGGGGGGGHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!
goodnight.


*update at 11:24 p.m.
thank you for burger machine and for true friends. :) i feel better now. thank you. :)

UP!

UP is now officially my favorite movie. :) together with ICE AGE 3. it's like all your childhood experiences flashing by you. sabaw but i'd definitely watch it over and over again. i love this movie. :) i better require my pre-schoolers(my cast) to watch UP.

it was a long long long day today. allow me to enumerate!

1. i woke up very early for the ENTA Executive Board yearbook photoshoot. :) our theme was TUBERO and the people looking for TUBERO. HEHEHEHEHE. :) We used every prop we could find inside the photoshoot area, bwahaha. omar was the tubero, danica was the donya, jedyne was the street beggar, ekha was a mother, sang mee was a pokpok, tal was a manghuhula and I was a kid. :) HAHAHA. :)

2. i survived HISTO graded recit without being called. WOOH. i don't mind if i get called next wednesday, by then, i'll make sure i'll be prepared. readings here i come.

what i liked about histo was our "paper" wherein we had to relive history. for example, this is stupid, but one actually wanted to know how it felt like to be a comfort woman. stupid. HAHA. another "paper" was about the blood compact, and they actually did it. HAHA. another dude wanted to experience death march, so he walked from this place all the way to greenbelt. another guy tried fasting for at least 24 hours. he placed a picture of gandhi, ninoy aquino, and his own picture too. HAHAHA. i just have to think about something nice to do. i was thinking about registering to vote, because women before weren't allowed to vote. so i'm gonna go practice my rights and privileges. but i don't have enough time because i will be away during the weekend for my immersion. :)

if you have any ideas, PLEASE help me out on this one. :)


3. lei and i went to medical city for our opthalmology check up. my EENT doctor told me (last summer) to see one here in manila because i might be having problems with my vision. so after 3 months, i did. and he said getting glasses for me were optional. so, okay! i'm not getting!
there's something about hospitals that make me nauseous. maybe it's because it's very very enclosed, makes one feel claustrophobic, and the long halls seem so endless. plus. medcity's elevators were confusing. especially the ALLFLOORS elevator. it just had to STOP at every floor. hahaha.

hospitals have this gloomy ambiance. it looks very clean (which isn't bad. haha) and depressing. no variety of colors. just white. grey. black. i imagined myself being a doctor, i'd have Patron Tequila by Paradiso Girls play all day long in my clinic, have my assistant dance whenever a new patient comes in, and allow the kids to write on my walls, or whatever. :) i'm going to be the coolest doctor everrr.. :)
and the clinics were nice. they didn't look like the gloomy, depressing clinics. they looked like dens in houses. ameeyyzzing. :) we left for medcity at around 1130. but left medcity for ateneo around 5. HAHAHA.

4. after, i went straight to rehearsals. i liked rehearsals today. :)

5. went to watch UP with ate vir and pao. :) please watch UP. :)


basically that's my thanklist for today. HAHAHA. from FRIDAY TILL SUNDAY, Aug29-31, i will be away, finally, for my long awaited immersion. :) i'm leaving everything behind: phone, laptop, gadgets, etc. so again, if you want to contact me, think of me. and i'll know that you are. :)


grazie!

it's a good day today!

i didn't sleep well today, because the whole night i practically slept on my snoozing alarm. my roommates must be really really pissed at me. :) oh well! (omg im craving for koko crunch duo) so anyway, i woke up at around 4 to finish compiling our thesis. :) and then this morning, i found out that i'm having something. HAHAHA. usually, when this happens, i get all grumpy and cranky.

but today, i'm unusually happy. :)

sorry i'm mababaw, but i just have to share this. remember that night when i did not sleep AT ALL because i had to finish a report? (refer here) well, i did well. :) when someone reports, the class gives an evaluation on how the reporter did. and i got maam's evaluation on my report just today. :)
hihi. i'm so proud. that sleepless night paid off. :) hihi. so that's number 1 in my thanklist for today! :)

and remember how i rant about my TTH days because they're so long and boring. talk about thesis, abnormal psych and theology. even though i slept 1/4 of the abnormal psych class, i actually had a good theo class. :) i'm having a really GOOD DAY. :) hihihi.

so here's my thanklist for today! :) (the #1 was the A on my report!)

2. still, for friendship. :) *huuug* we got your back. :)
3. for studying out with danica and pao. it was the second time i actually read my abnormal psych book! :) did you know kirsten dunst had major depressive disorder? :) :) :)
4. i ate nuggets for lunch, and look what i found on my plate. :) little things like this remind me over and over again that i'm sure of this. :)


grazie. :)

Thanklist for August 24. :)

i feel so crappy today, but after a good nights laugh at Kanin Club with a Virlynn Ramirez, a Kate Coderes and a Paolo Banaga, i'm good. :) good friends. good food. :) thank you guys, you never fail to crack me up. :) i swear. :)

what do you say if the food in this tea house sucks? :)
hahaha. in TechnoHub, beside Kanin Club! :)

remember when i said that my hell midterms was going to end on a monday (aug24)?? well. it's over now and i can breathe. inhale. exhale. omg i'm still alive. :) although i cheated my way out of histo graded recitation, i cut class. HAHA. i tried to finish reading Immanuel Kant's section 2 this morning, but FAAIL. I hate it when sir says he'll give a quiz, and turns out it's a graded recitation. i'm always prepared when it's on paper, but never when he asks on the spot. So there, as usual, i had the gut feeling i'd be called. and yes, my philo prof called me and for the second time around this semester, i failed a graded recitation. please don't let me get started on ranting about Kant and philo and all that shiz. i'm tired. how can philosophers just think forever????? think think think. sometimes, overthinking kills you. oh and i breezed through my italian exam. :) there were just around 2-3 numbers i wasn't really sure of, but my composition was ameyzeeng. HAHA. so there. i got through the acads today.

after all my classes, i went to ENTA room to sleep. it was a good powernap. after all, i slept at around 4am this morning trying to read Kant, only to fail my 2nd graded recit for philo. arg. frustrating much. then i went to talk to sir jet about my play... then watched rehearsals.. and then went to Kanin Club. :)

tonight, i'm going to have to pull an all-nighter because i'm going to compile our thesis ungraded draft of chapter 2. :) i know i can do this. i always pull it off. HAHA. but before that, i'm going to have to list down the things i'm thankful for today. :)

1. thank you for good friends. :) true friends! when you have a virlynn ramirez, a kate coderes and a paolo banaga, then you're good. :) love you guyzz.

2. after a week of not having rehearsals, i visited them again today. :) i missed you guys. i'm sorry it just has to be this way. i know we can pull this off. i believe. :) thank you, still, for people who never give up. :) who appreciate what other people do. :)

3. for Eva, that little girl who sings REALIZE really well. :) i'm never going to get tired of your cover. :) please sing on my wedding day. :)

4. for philo class. believe it or not. i hate hate how sir makes us read kant or his philo readings, and then gives graded recits or quizzes, or hard orals. he makes it seem like we don't have other things to study for. but i love philo, i really do. my notes are just buzzing because i take down everything he says. the statements are very eye-opening and they're very mind stimulating. makes you say, onga noh. go borrow my philo notebook, i'm sure you'll find something worth thinking. :)

5. thank you because i survived hell midterms. just thesis chapter 2, read a little on theo and catch up with abnormal psych. :) we have a few months to go before sembreak. WOOH. :) just bring it on. :)


btw, i want a lisa frank bag for my birthday.

or a file case. i'm going to use it as a laptop case. :)

Ciao! :)
as i always say,
tu sei difficili amare, ma comunque, io fare. :)

realize - colbie caillat

i'm going through a "realize phase" so bear with me. pao and i were in mcdo when i heard the guy version of realize play! i loved it. :D and so i looked for it and downloaded it. his name is john nathaniel, probably a youtube dude. :) but it's suuper nice. :) here's a video of his cover. :)


and i saw this toooo!!!!!! she's an 8 year old who can sing and play the guitar. and my heart melted when i heard her cover of REALIZE. HUHUHUUH PLEASE SING ON MY WEDDING DAY PLEASE. :(( adooorable. the video is here, i can't embed it. please please watch the kid sing. super adorable. :) or copy paste this http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dJZnLhW-Ah4

i love this week. :)

this week has been very stressful, i swear. orals galore, graded recitation galore, and don't get me started on thesis. :( this week i've also experienced NOT SLEEPING AT ALL. the last time i did an intensive all-nighter was last year when i was making my speech for the miting de avance. :) absolutely no sleep. i had to cut abnormal psych and theo last thursday because i was nauseous and i couldn't take it anymore. arrgh. plus, i'm having aberya with my play, and putting everything on hold is depressing. :( i actually miss rehearsing. i miss the kids. (sana di nila toh mabasa)


but this week was, by far, the best week. :)

so this blog is going to be about thanking for all those moments, those events that made me smile despite the stress and hullabaloo. :)

THANK YOU FOR:

for allowing me to survive this week. this week was hell. i'm so glad i'm still alive. for every shit, i'm so glad i got through it. thank you suuper. thank you also for quezon city day and ninoy aquino day, we didn't have to go to our wednesday and friday classes. :)

for people who never give up even if shit happens. i'm sorry, i feel so crappy right now. but after this hulaballoo is over, we're all going to get through this. i know we will. thank you for people who never give up, who always stick to their commitments, who appreciate the effort other people give. thank you. you don't know how much you guys inspire me.

for the people who told me not to give up. not to look down on myself. to still hang on because people actually do believe in me. thank you.

for my new phone! her name is siopao because the new addiction for that week was the ube flavored siopao in dimsum dumplings in our caf. it's yummy. :) but anyway, so there, i named it siopao. :) and it's really very pretty and amaaaayyyzeeeng. :) :) :) :) thank you daddy!!

and because of my new phone, my sun phone is open for business!:) you guys can call me, tho i don't have load most of the time. HAHA. thank you because this week, my family has been calling me everyday. i found out that someone is COURTING my BROTHER, my sister is still talkative and my other brother is doing great. :) hooray. i think my mother's watching my play too. :) hehe

for good friends who stick around to listen to you, and support you all the way. :) i love you gar & lei! HMG i sound just like someone i know! :) haha. we still have 6 months of thesis. :) im gonna stick with you too. :)

for true friends. :) who know exactly how to make you happy, make you laugh when you're feeling crappy, save you from self-destruction (?!?) and being one with being wheaty. HAHA i love you all. :)

for burger machine in project 4. burger machine is a perfect way to end the day. :)

for randomness, spontaneity, pure fun and not having to think about whatever. :)


for that wonderful wonderful night last night. :) amayyyzeeeng. :) i really had fuuun. :) gilbeys is still a traitor. haha. mango thing was suuuper yummy. cream dory was yaay! thank you lei, ate vir, kate and pao! I MISS ALABANG. HAHAHAHA :)


for Colbie Caillat! and her wonderful LSS of a song. hehe

for internet in the dorm! HOORAY!

for me being a psych major. i can read manifestations of the unconscious. psychoanalyze people behind their backs. HEHE. :) from freudian slips, to mannerisms. :) i'm doing a good thing, trust me. :)

my last hell shit is on monday. history graded recitation, philo quiz and italian long test. i know i'll survive. i won't have rehearsals with my kids till wednesday, they know their deadlines. :) i'm actually panicking now, since there are 14 rehearsal days left. we can do this.

my mother also brought up further studies for me. like, what i'm going to do after college. she wants me to take MA right after while working. so she reminded me about inquiring in schools, asking about their MA programs, applying and getting tests and stuff. onga naman, it's already august. i will do that.

i'm super thankful for a lot more things, especially things that i cannot openly post here. :) it's just amazing that i'm no longer overthinking about things. :)
thank You. :)

you can slap me in my face

but you can't stop me from blogging. what's unbelievable is that i'm hours away from passing thesis and i'm still blogging. even with just 3 hours of sleep, red puffy eyes and drowning in coffee, i'm still back to blogging. argh. i just want to see how my hell week goes, and if i ever do survive it. my last will and testament is in my thursday notebook, just so everyone knows. and you can only look at it if i let you, or if i actually die.

EDUCATIONAL PSYCHOLOGY
Timee's REPORT on Dunn&Dunn LEARNING STYLES
Thursday Aug20

PHILO
read on KANT sec2... quiz on monday (aug24)

THEO
orals today (which i haven't started on yet) at 6pm

HISTO
graded recit on Japanese Occupation on monday(aug24)
must get readings

THESIS
don't get me started on thesis. must pass chapter1 graded draft today
and midterms on thursday aug20

ITALIAN
long test on monday(aug24)

ABPSY
read on after the chapter on eating disorders!

and rehearsals rehearsals rehearsals.

wait ang gulo.

TUESDAY - thesis and theo orals
WEDNESDAY - do educpsy report, rehearsals, study for thesis midterms
THURSDAY - educpsy report, thesis midterms
FRIDAY - formations meeting, eb meeting, rehearsals, read kant, read histo, study italian
WEEKEND - read kant, read histo, study italian
MONDAY - philo quiz on kant, histo graded recit on japanese, italian long test

monday guys. monday. i'm done monday.
don't forget, the last will and testament is in my thursday notebook. :)

euthanasia

i'm gonna cross-post from my multiply post, but i'm gonna edit a little. :)

in abnormal psych class, i didn't have a laptop so i was FORCED to listen to the lecture. in the lecture on euthanasia, sir showed us a video on an organization who does euthanasia on people who want to die. they have assisted over 100 deaths this year. it's just sad that people want to die. i get the suffering and not wanting to prolong the burden on his part and the family. BUT I WOULDN'T HELP HIM DIE. HUHUHU. in the video, before they helped him die, the wife kissed and hugged him for the last time. that was suuuper sad. HUHUUHUH.

and did you guys know that there are 1million deaths by suicide every year, and 10-20 million attempted suicides. it's just sad that people seriously want to die. i know no one gets out of life alive, but why would you want to die.

me, i want to die now figuratively because of the many things i have to do. but on top of it all, i'm thankful because i'm still alive and i still have friends and people who care about me. so here's my thanklist for aug12-13!

1. for tears that aren't shed for sadness. :)
2. for friends. :) i love my friends. i really do. :)
3. for burger machine and mcdo!! WOOH. for sansrival, mango things and water things. HAHAHA.
4. for life. because i'm still alive and i don't want to die just yet. no to euthanasia and suicides!!!
5. in educational psychology class, maam read my reflection about paranormal abilities as an intelligence. she read it while i was on my way to class. she took advantage of my tardiness. BWAHAHA. but it's okay. :)


but today, i'm dying. because tomorrow:
- i have philo orals, there are no thesis statements so i have to make sure i cover everything.
- our philo prof is making us read kant. i KANT understand him.
- italian composition. i'm already done with the composition. i just have to translate it to italian.

HUHUHUUHUHUHUH.
i call this phenomenon SUFFERING. because when you suffer, it's not because you feel pain, but because you cannot understand and you cannot identify where the pain comes from and where the hurt comes from. and whenever you do, you cannot ACCEPT that the pain comes from that source. when you suffer, everything around you suffers and you become a bearer of suffering.


i feel like crying.

PLANTS VS. ZOMBIES

this game is seriously addicting. seriously addicting. and the reason why i finally gave in was because of this music video. :) HEHEHEHEHEHE.

ENTABLADO'S SMILE CAMPAIGN!!!

i think this is a very good idea. :) everyone should practice smiling more. :) i remember when i was younger, i volunteered to pass around the basket for the collections... yung may long stick with a pouch at the end. and one man stopped me and said "smile ka naman". :) maybe because smiling has never been my default face. DEFAULT FACE. HAHAHA.

so now i'm trying to make that my default face. :)

oh and i like this picture too. :) edited by danica! :) hehe

i'm stuck in level 5-8 in plants vs. zombies. ARGH

answered prayers

so there, our immersion got cancelled! :)
Kiko, this super bagyo just came in and our formator texted last night that they're cancelling our immersion and they're moving it to the 28th of August. hoooray! :) i hope the people in Tarlac are doing well though.

sir jet's doing this listing thing to invite good vibes! :) what you do everyday is to list the things you're thankful for, and that's it. :)

so this is my first thanklist and it's for Aug6 (that was yesterday):
1. Thank you for our cancelled immersion. i really needed the weekend. for history, philosophy and for REST.
2. Thank you because i finally found time to visit my doctor, and he said that i needed rest. He also said that if the immersion had pushed through, he wouldn't allow me to leave. so again, thank you for the cancelled immersion.
3. for my parents who sent money immediately for my immersion and for my medicines. for my dad who called last night making sure i was okay. :)
4. oh and for the vaccine shot i had last monday, it's good for 10 years. although it's starting to ache now, i think it's a good ache for something that'll last for 10 years. (overthinking much?)
5. and for the past two weeks that i've spent with my really good friends. :) :) :) :)

i really needed this weekend. i have to rest. woooh.
i'm now ready to let kirk go, and i'm leaning more to the nokia 5800. :) haha

taking a break from my world.

hi, tomorrow, friday (aug7), i will be leaving my life in search for meaning and understanding. i will be going to Bilad, Capas in Tarlac for our immersion.

We will be living with the aetas, realizing what it's like without cellphones, laptops, internet, plurk, a nice comfort room, pillows, or whatever. i will be spending 3 days in the mountains searching for the meaning of life, coming to terms with myself, and seek for understanding and acceptance.

i will be taking off from my social world wide web, so if you want to look for me, i guess the best way to contact me is to think about me, and hope that my telepathic powers are alive. i won't be bringing my phone, i think.


why do i sound so.... apprehensive about my immersion? actually, i've been looking forward for this all my college life. i've been super excited when i learned that we were going to Tarlac, somewhere far, and taking a 2 hour hike to the area. i'm super excited that i'm going with gar, lei, cas and danica. wooh. i like immersions and volunteer stuff like this.


but now i'm kind of praying that they call off our immersion.
for many reasons:

1. gar is also praying (she typed that. haha)

2. lei is sick. (she's in the hospital right now, with dengue)

3. i am sick. i might be pregnant. i've been feeling nauseous lately. dizzy and vomit-ty. (HAHA) doctor says it might have something to do with my vision, i'm planning to have my eyes checked. but we, my friends and i, strongly believe that i'm just pregnant. HAHA. (daddy, family members reading this, please see that this is a joke.)

4. i haven't really prepared myself for this. mentally and emotionally. physically too. i was planning to jog everyday a week before this, but it has been raining. and usually, when i leave for trips like this, i have a very very very long ritual. after i pack 3x and make sure everything's in, i nebulize just so i'm sure i don't get asthma attacks there. i think i'm going to die there.

5. oh the rain. it has been raining forever. FOREVER. our formator told us that if it rains in the mountains, our 2 hour hike can turn into 4 hours. can you imagine us? sliding down the mountains together with the soil erosion? atenean erosion.

6. when i went for my medical check up, i had 12 pages of prescription because my doctor was very apprehensive about letting me go on this trip. i told her that i'm confident i can do this. she trusted me that i could. now i'm not so sure. my health is like the weather, it's unpredictable.

7. i'm pretty worried with my academics. i'm going to miss answering the group take home exam on friday for history. my groupmates might think i'm freeloading, I'M NOT. it's just that EVERYTIME WE HOLD MEETINGS i'm either in class, OR STUCK IN THE CAF BECAUSE THE CAF PEOPLE LOCKED US IN. so if you read this, know that my prayers are with you. (BWAHAH KIDD) on monday is our history individual long test too, and i haven't studied a thing. i can't bring readings to immersion, that would defeat its purpose. SO. yeah. goodluck. and good thing for my philo orals, because we were the first ones who signed up. and we picked the last day. wooh. so there. i'm die.

8. i'm dizzy. vomit-ty. my body feels like it doesn't want to move a muscle. my eyes feel like they don't want to open. my nose is blockaded with more mucus than needed. can someone please call off immersion please please please.

9. i slept at around 5am this morning. trying to hear myself THINK. thinking about how i shouldn't overthink about things. kept telling myself not to think. not to think.

10. i'm afraid of going back to my life.


suddenly, that movie SURROGATES sounded like a great idea. you have this surrogate robot living your life the way you want it to, in the comfort of your own home. just step into this virtual thing, and then whatever your brain thinks of wanting to do, your surrogate does. (the conflict of the movie was that people kept on dying while in that virtual chair)


i watched THE PROPOSAL with friends... it was nice. :) hahah can't say more, i couldn't relate. hahahahahahahahahahaha

and this week was craaaazy. as much as i don't want to try to understand, it bugs me. KEEPING ME UP TILL 5AM?!?!?!? YES. i don't have a problem with staying up till 5am. i can stay up forever if i want to. i just don't want to be up all night THINKING. :)

farewell kirk?

kirk looks like he's retiring, not funny. :( i'm getting a new phone very soon, but i'm still not ready to give kirk up. huuhuh. i've searched online for nokia phones (nokia onllyyyy!!), but nothing is as pretty as my kirk. i'm thinking of buying another one just like him, but that'll only be redundant. huhu. i'm thinking about nokia E71:


and the touchscreen shit of nokia:
i'm currently using my sunphone, but with my globe number. the very elegant, the very pretigious nokia 1200:


bwahaha. i'm thinking of having kirk traded in, and just add money for the new phone. dunno. help me. i'm dilemma. bwahahahah.


i'm in my abnormal psychology class with 10 minutes more to go. wooh. ciao. help me please. thank you. bye.