you're hot and you're cold.

hay. the world is so bipolar noh? malabo. parang tayo. yuuuck. hahaha.

so i just have two more on my hands right now, my theology orals tomorrow (feb26) and my directing finals (mar2. which by the way i'm very excited about! hihi) and then i'm done with college. I'M DONE WITH COLLEGE OMIGAD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! CAN YOU BELIEVE IT. ALL MY LIFE I'VE BEEN STUDYING AND THE SCHOOL HAS ALWAYS BEEN MY PLAYGROUND, BUT THIS TIME PARANG FEELING KO THE REAL WORLD IS WAITING TO BITE MY ASS.

the real world better be prepared for me.

i'm in the library right now for many reasons:

1. i don't know if i'm effectively studying outside, i'd like to try this new environment (ngayon palang magttry!? hahahhaha)

2. it's quiet in the library. will that be effective? (up until now i don't know what learning environment i'm comfortable with haha)

3. IT'S FRIGGIN COLD IN HERE.

HAVEN'T YOU GUYS NOTICED?????

"It's freaking hot!" - Ma'am Rosana, a few weeks ago

I've missed rain, really. It's so hot, i can feel my skin peeling, i'm red because of rashes (i'm allergic to sweat and unecessary heat haha) and my nose probably wants to bleed anytime soon (because i'm transfering from hot to cold environments like crazy). I WANT RAIN. Just konting shower lang. please?

I remember my immersion in Tarlac, and how it was very very very very hot during the long walk to their field (to get food). how are they na kaya, with this crisis at hand:

YOU DIDN'T WATCH NOH. WELL I STRONGLY SUGGEST YOU WATCH YOU APATHETIC READER YOU. imagine losing 1 BILLION just because it's not raining. 1 BILLION. prices go higher for rice and corn and wheat and whatnot. and that's not something to be happy about.

please pray for rain. not ondoy rain. just rain.

1. oh ayan, global warming oh.

2. it's very very very very very hot. we consume more electricity when it's hot because we use the aircons and fans, tapos instead of walking we ride trikes and cabs instead (note: carbon emission), we get fatter because we consume more ice cream than we normally do. (this week, i've probably eaten ice cream everyday.)

3. the ground are super dry. everywhere i look, i see brown grass. BROWN. do you think that's pretty?!?! we don't have autumn in the Philippines, it's not pretty!!!!!

hahaha. it's just really hot. that's why i'm in the library. because it's hot outside.

PLEASE PRAY FOR RAAAAAINNN!!!!!!!!!!!!!

on missing people

NO. not missing as in gone. hahah missing people.
actually, the reason why i blogged yesterday was because of this. i got carried away and forgot to blog about this. :)
missing people


ewan ko, but me, when i miss people, it's a painful excursion (!!!), i distract myself just so i won't feel it. because when i remember the memories i have with them, it's either: it's never going to happen again because it's different now and things have changed, or it's never going to happen because that was a unique memory. the latter is a happy-miss-kind-of thing. it's better to be in that state than the more painful which is the former: you'll just have to accept it as it is, be left with just reminiscing these memories, and wallow in misery because of the "things that have changed".

and everywhere you go, you see memories, and reality will hit you right after, reminding you that it will never happen again. you'll be forced into thinking about what went wrong, or what happened, why things have changed. and once again, reality will slap you in the face and say that it's over and you can't change anything.

then there's this stage where you'll start missing a lot of people.

wala lang. i just miss a lot of people. :)

40% down. 60% more to go.

my college life, and the whole of my studying life ends in 5 requirements:
- Thesis (final editing and the poster)
- Philo Orals
- PolSci Paper
- Theo Orals
- Directing Finals

I'm quite confident that i was able to do well in my Philo orals. HAHAHAH Father Masong did not have anything to say and just nodded and smiled. I don't know if that's a good thing, but i have a good feeling about it. :) hahahhaha

Right now i'm in Mcdo doing my PolSci paper, since i didn't want to start on my Theo orals just yet. hmph. katamad eh. hahaha. it's about how the may2010 elections is a crossroad of Philippine democracy. does it make sense? i'm about to find out. hahahah.

and you know what i realized just now?
that i can really study. hahaha all these years, ever since i was a child, i've been very very lazy to study, and relied too much on stock knowledge. for most of the time, this worked and kept me going (with grades that were fine. they weren't low, they were good, but not high enough ahha) especially during my gradeschool and highschool years. but never worked for college. i had to study my ass off. everyone did. hahah but now, now with just less than 3 days of college, i'm realizing that I CAN STUDY. hahah i CAN perfect an exam. I CAN give answers to the prof's questions. i'm not stupid pala. hahaha. (dahil lang sa philo orals na yan wooh) most of the time i have the answers to the questions, but i was just too shy (yes) to raise my hand and recite. i was never the person who liked to recite, i never liked speaking in front of an audience, i'm not good in articulating my thoughts (but hell yeah i can express it with actions and gestures haha). but if i just pushed myself for the past few years, maybe i could've recited a little. hahah. this is amazing. all these realizations with just less than 3 days of college life. hahahhaha.

I'M SO SABAW NA.
there are a few things i've realized lately too:
- people-watching in a convenience store is FUN.
not only do you get to see the principle of YOU ARE WHAT YOU BUY, but you see what people consider their immediate needs. (things that they need to buy in a convenience store in the wee hours of the morning, and how jittery they get because they need it badly)

like there was this one Chinese man, came in and went straight to the beverages area and got a big bottle of Red Horse. yeah we usually see teenies buying bottles and cases of beer for inuman sessions, but this was interesting. an old chinese man, maybe in his late 40s, buying a big ass bottle of red horse, his face, indescribable. siyempre, the first thing i thought of was: "this man has a problem with his family business, baka they're losing it na because of economic crisis, so he gets away from his family (daughter wants to be a rebel artist, son likes a non-chinese girl, etc), parks in front of the nearest convenience store, gets a beer and drinks alone.) oh ha. hahahah

or a guy in Barong walked in the convenience store and bought candies, water, and chips. i say: long trip? maybe he's from Laguna or something, went to a barangay conference which explains the barong. that, or he left his house telling his wife he was going to a conference, when in fact he was just going to this hotel nearby, running into the arms of his concubine. (concubine!) and what he bought wasn't actually candy. flavored, yes. candy, no. LOL.

like what i always say, the more you repress, the more the unconscious will assert itself on you. it will manifest in ways you aren't conscious of in one way or another. haha

TOXIC

i didn't have a free weekend because i studied my ass off for that Theology written exam. and i think, i did okay. hoping. wishful thinking. hoping. after that test, i looked at my planner to see if anything else was lined up for me this week. (i'm taking things day by day na.) there was nothing much. i flipped the page to next week, and it was full of red markings. The red markings are for the academic stuff that are very very urgent. feeling ko nalunod na yung week na yun in red ink. and since i'm "free" this week, i was planning to start on the stuff for next week, like papers... maybe study for the philo long test, sikopil finals and maybe start doing something for our thesis defense.

AY NO. i slacked off, took all the time in the world to bum around. like this, blogging. Woodstock learning center called me for a job interview, so i went shopping for an outfit. On the way home, Woodrose called me for a job interview too! I was so excited! YEEH! so today, i went to greenhills to buy another job interview outfit. WAW. GRABEH. ANG DAMI KO KASING FREE TIME DIBA! :) :) :) :)

dress i found somewhere. HAHAHA. good buy. good buy. :)

from greenhills: better shoes, with this chic blazer (NA ANG MAHAL! ARG pero okay lang because blazers are investments. okay. breathe timee breathe.)

now, i'm a bit. uhm. STRESSED. DESSERTS SPELLED BACKWARDS YEAH. STRESSED. toxic. i think i'm feeling it. i'm being strangled by school work, and i know it's the last stretch and all, but i need more strength to do this LAST STRETCH. let me survive po please. :( :( :(

i'm excited for woodrose. but then.

HOW DO I GET TO ALABANG?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?

photo via google earth

I google earthed Woodstock learning center so that i don't have to go there first to know where it is. besides, they gave me from 9am till 4pm to show up for the interview. so okay. i'm good with that. but then i'm not so confident with going to woodrose, on my own, all the way to alabang, before 8am. i've placed markers on Ateneo, Woodstock, my lola's house in magallanes and woodrose. even from my lola's house, it's faaar.

Lord. :'(

My long term goals

Flip through the first few pages of my planner, and you'll be entertained and amused at how terribly busy I am. But from March 6 onwards, the pages are blank. nothing. For me, this is terrifying. Not knowing what will happen in the future, what i will be doing on the 3rd Saturday of September, etc. I don't know. Am i even sure i'm graduating this March? (THEO THEO THEO.) I'm not really sure. I've sent out my resumes to all the preschools in Metro Manila and even in Cebu, and i'm just awaiting for their replies. CIE (Cebu) already did, they needed someone with 3 years teaching experience. FAIL.

So anyway, today I watched Ateneo Children's Theater's "Batang Rizal" which was written by no other than THE Ms. Christine Bellen. :) IT WAS SPECTACULARRRRRR!!!!! huhuhu. They were all so cuuute and very talented. I mean, infairness for 10-14 year olds who are very into this art. :) KEBS sa pacing, they did a job well done. The costumes were bonggacious, the SET WAS ARGGHHH!!! SOBRANG GANDA. VERY VERY BEAUTIFUL. LIGHTS AND SOUNDS WERE. AARRGGHHH!!!! craaazy beautiful!!!!!! Congratulations to ACT for a wonderful wonderful show!!!

This got me thinking. HOW WILL I BE ABLE TO PULL OFF MY DREAM. :(( :(( My dream of producing a musical (just like Batang Rizal) only, with Special Kids.
1. someone has to fund it. (time needed: forever)
2. i cannot do this alone. we must first establish THE Special Theater. (time needed: perhaps 3-5 years)
3. i have to learn from THE Ms. Christine Bellen if I want to make the material myself. apprenticeship please!!!!! huhu (please Ma'am Bellen! I've always wanted to write children's stories!! hello! i want to be a preschool teacher!!!! i want anything that has to do with kids! huhuhu!) (time needed: forever)
4. i must take further studies in theater, para naman may 'karapatan' akong gawin itong dream na ito. of course, further studies in.......... a. Developmental Psychology (for children across different ages), b. Educational Psychology (if i really want to teach), and c. Special Education (hey hey hey) (time needed if accomplished separately: 3 years per field = 9 years)

YES, BECAUSE I HAVE ALL THE TIME IN THE WORLD AND YES BECAUSE IF THIS IS WHAT I WANT TO DO WITH MY LIFE, THEN THESE ARE THE PATHS I MUST TAKE. bakit po mahirap, Lord. :'(

but then again, this is my dream, and i'm going to make it happen whatever it takes.

then it got me thinking again. (and i posted this as my stat on fb) Tina Montiel is known worldwide for her work in the field of Political Psychology. Got me thinking: pwede ko kaya i-establish (kung wala pang nag-imbento nito) ang Theater Psychology sa mundo (WAW ANG TAAS KO NAMAN, MUNDO!) Political Psychology was discussed in our class and i was just wondering how she was able to establish such a field. It really is possible noh!? to be able to do that, perhaps i should go into further theater studies, together with further psychology studies. I was searching for it online, baka kasi meron nang nakaisip non, and found that the University of San Diego offers a course on the Psychology of Theater. but then kasi. maybe it's different. just like how Psychology in the Philippines is DIFFERENT from Filipino Psychology. diba ang interesting? Because if Industrial/Organizational Psychology is about behaviors and mental processes of people in a work place, then meron bang naka-imbento ng Theater Psychology as a study of behavior and mental processes of theater people, considering that they delve into different worlds at the same time? how do you reconcile that? (i.e. being conscious of your blocks but at the same time being able to internalize a character) "pinaghuhugutan" or personal truths is a common aspect in theater, maybe the field could study more about that. Personal experiences as tools. AND A LOT MORE. etc. ang dami ko talagang naiisip for this field. (WAW SO PARANG NAG IMBENTO TALAGA AKO NG COURSE! HAHAHA)

PSY14344: Theater Psychology
Course outline
Psychology in Plays/Scripts
Tech Psychology (Lights and Sounds and its relationship with everything haha)
Psychology for Actors
Psychology of Theater Watching - Analysis of Audiences

IMBENTO MUCH. Pero what if diba? :) :) :)
One day, makikita nyo nalang yung Theater Psychology and MY NAME sa mga textbooks na yan. haaay. Dreams. :)

First, lemme graduate first. k? thnxbye.

(the rorschach (WTF) is a type of a projection test. Can theater be a form of projection? hmm)

Dora the Explorer!

remember that fateful day, that day when i was so busy with everything... i had to run to and fro for errands and stuff, tapos i had to go to gateway pa to buy my costume for my photoshoot, and when i came to the shoot around 30 minutes late (and i thought they wouldn't accept me na coz i was late na) looking all haggard and stressed. and now. the fruit of my labor.

i'm proud and half humiliated that my creative photo is among the top 50 creative photos of the batch.
i came there with just this outfit, tapos the photographer asked if i wanted them to edit it with a dora background, eh duh, GO! :) PERO DI KO NAMAN ALAM na it would turn out like this!!!!! as in, LIKE THIS!!!! HAHAHA!! i'm happy with the result, pero just wondering why BOOTS isn't in the picture, eh mag bestfriends yon. and SWIPER is bigger than Dora. HAHAHA and why is there a caterpillar in the picture!? don't get it hahaha

I was asked in my formspring by Ate Vir:

Sino ang inspiration mo para sa creative pic mong si Dora the explorer?
ganito talaga yung logic behind that hahahaha

kasi when i was in first year, for some strange reason nagka REPORTING yung ZOO LAB class namin. and the prof said na yung pinaka magandang reporting, will get an A and will be exempted from the finals. eh sabi ng groupmates ko mag Dora the Explorer kami, at dahil mahiyain sila lahat at ako lang daw yung makapal yung mukha, ako na daw si dora.

ehhhhhhh yung naka A kami at na exempt kaming lahat kasi tawang tawa sila sakin. WELL. GANON TALAGA. :) will post the picture of my 1st year dora reporting soon. hahahhhaa! and then everyone knew me as dora na. diiii yun.

wanted my creative pic to be something everyone will remember me by. tama ba. HAHAHAHAHA (so talagang nag explain ako!)

here's how i pulled it off when i was a freshie.

KAPAL NG MUKA KO. HAHAHAHAHA

i don't have to explain this.

kthnxbye