but as i grew older, i saw the complications of the showbiz industry.
sure, you're rich and famous. you're pretty. you can afford to go to Belo or have a major surgery. you can live in a mansion, with a huge pool, and ride in fancy cars. walk around with macho bodyguards and be chased by paparazzis.
but i'd rather finish my studies and secure my future, live a simple low-profile life, and be successful and fulfilled without stepping on anyone or without breaking any rules.
i haven't given up on my dreams of becoming one, if opportunity knocks on my door, i'll jump right out of the window. HAHA!
but i have already channeled my passion onto a different world.
Theater.
as i type this blog, the image i'm envisioning is that of a stage shaking, ready to explode and fume its heat and energy into its audience. and its audience transforming into something more than who they were when they first entered the theater. theater shakes me. it's just a different world. i've never experienced something so true. so real. (move over reality shows)
why do i have this sudden realization about theater and showbiz?
i was watching Mamma Mia last night. i couldn't think of better people for the roles. :)
Meryl Streep and that wide-eyed pretty girl... James Bond guy, and the other guys.
anyway, as i was watching, i could just imagine how they shot every scene. and i always do it when watching soaps on tv, or afternoon shows... 'lights! camera! action!' actor says his lines, co-actor replies... they raise voices... the other walks out... and 'cut!' the actor goes back to his tent, drinks refreshments, reviews his lines, make up people retouches his make up, and he's back. the way i see it, the energy is (i cannot find a better word) paputol-putol. it's inconsistent. (there!) yeah, your playing the role of a lawyer in his mid 40s struggling with injustice and homosexuality. but when a scene is shot, that's the only moment you feel that you're that gay attorney. and it's easy to be angry on screen. you just have to raise your voice, frown and break glass. and when the director says cut, that's it.
in theater it's totally different. you spend months and months rehearsing scene after scene. you spend forever from writing the song, composing the musical score, teaching it to the actors, and then finally creating a choreography for it. not only that, it's a struggle to deal with the stage, the props, the lights, the tickets, the audience, make up, costumes. the whole package. a huge preparation is made before the very opening night. and when you're on stage, in front of 250 people, that's it. no one's gonna say 'cut!' in the middle of the scenes in case you commit a mistake. you won't be able to repeat a scene in case you forgot a line or a step, or missed a note. if a basket of fruits gets stuck on your costume on stage, no one from the costumes committee is gonna come up on stage and help take it off you. and you have to keep your energy high. there's no way to go but up. that's what we usually say before the show. we all have to keep our energy up there, and even go higher. during the two hours of the run, there's no time to rest. no time to sleep. no time to do your make up all over again. it's like laying out all the cards in front of the audience.
and the internalization is keraazy. when i played the role of a single mother with a 7 month old baby, i internalized like crazy. the scene needed a sense of urgency. and for that to happen, i'd have to think like a mother. who was left by her husband and her baby's nanny. it's not enough that i panic because i'm late for work and no one's gonna watch over my child. it's not enough that i prance around in my oversized shirt and bedroom slippers, scrambling through things, searching for a lost diaper to show i'm tensed. it's not enough that i bellow and shriek to express my frustration. why am i frustrated? why should i be tensed? how important is my child to me? how important is it that i keep my job? why am i so angry at my husband for leaving me? why do i need other people to help me fix my life? personal truths. to feel it, to feel the role, it must come from somewhere. yes, an actor can use his voice and his body. but most importantly. an actor must use his heart.
i am not saying that the actors in soaps do not internalize the way theater actors do. i am not saying that theater is better than being a celebrity. (being in showbiz is high-paying and has a lot of perks. hello.) but for me, theater is a deep thing. it digs deeper into you. it changes your world. it becomes your lifestyle. you drop everything when you hear the words 'COMPANY CALL!' you love the sound of 'full house'. you know who kuya jason is and what he needs from you after every show. (lol) you'll love Nichido all the more. You'll know that GIN-DOWNY isn't an alcoholic 'drink'. HAHA.
in theater, (maybe because this is a theater organization, i don't know about theater companies) you're close to the crew. the stage managers, the make up people, the costumes people. you know who's controlling the lights, turning the sounds on, making the props. the relationships (cheke!) formed in theater is more intimate. (the only intimate relationship i can think of in showbiz is that of an actress and a director. there are a lot actually. :)
everyone is just alive in theater. and i love it.
(my heart is screaming! it's like kilig. EMO-RGASM!!)
forgive me, but i know i'm not in the position to explain all this because my experience in theater is not at all that extensive. but in the 7 years of my life on stage, this is what theater has made me feel. :) i feel that this is where i belong, and that i'm at home on stage. :)
as what Kuya Kalil said, not everyone is given the opportunity to act on stage.
"Awit ng Pagsilang" my solo :)
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