Many times this year I've also doubted myself in many ways. Am I really for this profession? And now, I'm in "i-just-want-to-try-other-things-before-I-make-up-my-mind stage". I'm afraid of pursuing this further studies option because I might not be so sure that this was what I wanted to do forever. I'm very sure I'd like to do this, I'm just not sure of myself saying that I'm sure of it. hay. i don't make sense.
But yes, I enjoyed my time and stay in BIS, i really did. And if this were a different life, a different situation, in a different circumstance, I could've stayed. Oh but this is reality. This is just me.
And now i'm just stuck. I'm stuck in Iloilo and I'm not very sure now of what to do with my life, I don't have a plane ticket going back to Manila yet, and I just don't know what to do next. I used to be so sure of my plans in life, but the tides have changed and I've lost my track. And my self-esteem has been so down lately, I've been hating myself a lot, a whole lot. I used to know how to deal with 'me' whenever this wave of emotional instability rocks my world, and now I'm not so sure what to do really.
If you're sitting there thinking, 'ha! this girl used to be so sure of what she's doing with her life and now she's just stuck, unemployed with no future plans' well at least no one dictates how I live my life thank you very much. (this stanza is especially dedicated to-- don't worry not applicable to all of you reading this.) I am in control, sorry, you don't get to drive this ship. :)
btw, i'm not sad or depressed, i'm not exactly ecstatic about this either. I've also developed numbness and have decided to feel nothing to avoid further emotional instability.
If you ask me anything about my future, I'll just tell you, IDK. :)
omg is something wrong with me! hahaha
No comments:
Post a Comment