this was supposed to be a blog about something else

I was so depressed last night, kept me up till 4am just thinking. and i hate when that happens. when you really really want to sleep, but stuff on your mind's keeping you up. (why was i depressed, i totally got good news last night! haha)

Luckily, I woke up on a lighter mood and enjoyed the silence of my morning. I got to school lazily (our event doesn't start till 4, so was in school by 10) and did nothing. haha! On the jeepney ride on the way to school, i thought about what i wanted to do in my life (oo, all that in that 10 minute ride haha) and what i can do to achieve all my life goals. I remember i wanted to put up a theater company for special children, but for the past year, that goal has been out of the picture. So i re-thought everything and.....

I'M TAKING CHARGE OF MY LIFE.

(hindi pa ba? haha)

While I was strategizing, I realized my plans always involved "ask this person to help me get into" and "get this person to endorse me to this company" and "buy lotto tickets to be a millionaire". I cannot just depend on people to help me with every step of the way.

I MUST DO THINGS MYSELF. MUST TAKE CHARGE OF MY OWN LIFE! :)

and while I wait for the lottery to pick my numbers, I must do something to get to my dreams. If I want to get into an Interior Design school, I'm paying for it on my own. I have to understand that I cannot always rely on others (i.e. my parents) to support me with everything. (of course they will, I just have to support myself this time) Pay my own rent, pay bills on time, draw the line between needs and ultimate wants, live a simpler life. If I do this right, the life i'm dreaming of may not be too far away. :)

Why and how have i thought about all of this? Henry Sy. John Gokongwei. The rest of the Chinese business tycoons. They started even lower. So if they could do,

SO CAN FREAKIN' I. (wala sa tamang grammar hahaha)

I'm just tired of being the carefree whatever-goes girl that i have been, so lax and chill. I want to be the girl who knows what she wants and does everything to get it. I want my life to go somewhere, and not wait for things to happen. No, I will be in charge of my life. :)

and then love.

Love used to be my priority, but now I cannot just sit and wait for love to happen. I cannot think of love first because I have lots to work on myself and this world I've made up. So i'm going to do all these things for myself, for my career, for my dreams, and hope that somewhere in between, love is going to find me and finally happen to me. I don't care how long it takes. :)

My future husband better hurry up because I plan to die in my 50s. chos.

so if you're the type of person who, after reading this blog says, "you go girl". no. wala kang pakialam. chos. haha. thank you. hopefully, things will all fall into place as I plan it to be. Kung hindi, eh di wag! haha! That carefree whatever-goes girl will still be there, thrilled for more surprises.

if you're the type of person who, after reading this blog say, "dang this girl is so ferosh she should win the lottery and do everything she can to get what she wants, so that she can help and heal the world with her power and make it a better place"

then we should be friends. :)