na pepressure ako mag blog!!!!!

because internet in my house is a bitch. the router isn't working, so we have to internet in my cousin's room. and we can only do that only if she isn't around. and i cannot spend the entire time online because i have other things. :) :) :) for the past few days, i've really wanted to blog about so much! i can, but it'll take time and uploading pictures in an internet explorer browser is a bitch. i want firefox, just for blogging. :(

went out with my friends, a tagged kaylle along. :) we had dinner at Perry Todd's, it's a burger restaurant in Jaro. this baby is worth a hundred bucks. very sulit. i just had 1/4 of it, and was SUPER BUSOG NA. haha. super sulit. :) if you drop by iloilo any time soon, come to Perry Todd's!

we got hit by a jeep as we turned to Hotel Del Rio. huge damage on the car, good thing nothing happened to us. :) i took a picture of this from the car, because i remembered in our sikopil class that Filipinos LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE LOVE to make usisa. haha di ko na alam pano gamitin sa sentence. haha. Filipinos are useseros. in every accident, there are about 5 people standing just about 5 meters away from the area, NOT HELPING, BUT JUST WATCHING and see if anyone wants to start a fight, see who wins, etc. that girl pointing in the picture, she's the major usesera. she just appeared out of nowhere and told us to wait and stay calm. etc etc. as my 5 y/o cousin says, YOU ARE NOT THE BOSS OF ME. :):):)

we also went to our "ancestor's house" as my 2 y/o cousin, Ava, would put it. it's more than 70 years old, and we're having it renovated. :) i suggested to the architect to put two gargoyles just in front of the front porch. HAHAHA.

this is my favorite part of the house. the beautiful dividers. :) it's really pretty inside, can't wait till it's liveable!

did you know that the front porch, the white columns and the whole thing were just added during the american period? HAHA. turns out, you can order them and have the people install it in your house. HAHA. there ya go.

update coz i just remembered:
the antique furnitures that used to be in my great grand lola's house are all over the country right now. the piano in ayala heights with tita bebet, the desks and some chairs and tables in cubao with lola marina, mirrors, aparadors and more tables i think, in Bacolod with Lola Cecile. and the huge round table and antique, the 2 big glass aparadors in our house with tita Cynch. it would be difficult to put it all back in the house. so we're hunting for pretentious antiques. HAHA.

my point lang is that i'd like to play SIMS with this one. i have my structure already, now can i decide what furniture to put in and how it would look like inside the house? HAHA the inside is REALLY REALLY PRETTY. really. pretty. cgenaaaah. i'd use a cheat to get all the money sims could generate and then put as many.

oh and if you have old stuff, old looking stuff, junk you don't use but would make a good decoration, DONATE IT TO US! :) (i want to look for old record players that actually work. HAHA. we also still own a manual sewing machine, cute noh!? haha)

ARRGH. nafrufrustrate ako because there's so many things i want to blog about! like new year's resolutions and making it an outward thing instead. and my registration experience! and my whole vacation! huhuuhhu. and oh! the things i'm thankful for in 2009! huhuhuhuhu because when i blog, it takes me hours to complete one, so i want to take all the time i can. i don't want to be pressured. i don't want to be disturbed. so. yeah.

HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!!

*i'm doing some changes in my site, so please bear with me. haha

i dreamt about being pregnant. for the nth time!

NTH TIME. what's very pertinent among these dreams is that I CAN FEEL THE BABY KICK. also, that my tummy is heavier and i'm more vigilant with my movements, always trying to protect my tummy. sobrang. nakahawak lang ako sa tyan ko all the time. AND IT LOOKS ALL SO REAL. this site says that pregnancy dreams mean that

Your dream is a very common one and usually represents a new beginning or a new creation in your life. It is generally very positive and indicates growth in your life! The baby kicking inside could represent the idea that your creation or creative potential is trying to kick you to get your attention.

really, because i don't feel anything new. parang wala naman. or maybe, this year i've had too many pregnancy dreams because the transition from 19 to 20 for me was a big thing. haha. and being 20 was the new life? it still doesn't convince me. what new life is this!!!! graduation maybe? yes? because i'm so excited to work (cge! tell me you weren't excited after your college graduation, i'll make kurot you!), give out my resumes, do all the interviews and stuff. weeeh.

here's a blog from way back about me being pregnant..
http://timeerification.multiply.com/journal/item/1226/pregnant_dream_number_3782320948

or maybe this is hysterical pregnancy. because i super want to have a baby. gusto ko 2 years old siya. kasi 2 year olds are the cutest. hahahahah yung sister ko kasi 8 na.

kaylle: mom i have a third eye.
mom: really, what's a third eye?
kaylle: it's when you see invisible people
mom: so how many are there in the house?
kaylle: one
mom: can you describe her to me?
kaylle: she's very white, she's wearing white and has black hair
mom: can you ask her where she's from
(kaylle turns to the other side)
kaylle: where are you from? ha? ...... what?
(kaylle turns to mommy)
kaylle: mom, i don't have a 3rd ear.

LOL

feather boa

to take my mind off some things, i'm going to blog about something totally irrelevant. like, uhm. feather boas. have you ever wondered why, in every chick flick, when there's a teenie bopper sleepover/pajama party/slumber party scene, there's always dancing, singing, make up, nail polish, pillow fight with the feathers getting all scattered AND a FEATHER BOA.


SPOTTED: 13 GOING ON 30, a dark colored feather/fur boa worn by one kid in the 'love is a battlefield' sequence


SPOTTED: the movie SLEEPOVER, around the 7:30 mark, there's a feather boa in their 'partay' watch the movie, it's very entertaining. very chick flicky. haha check out sue sylvester (Jane Lynch) as a mom. haha


i was checking if there were jumping/dancing/singing/sleepover scenes in the movie hotchick, but there was just one, and they were just painting each other's nails. that's it. when i was in gradeschool, i bought one, pero hindi feather at hindi fluffy. para siyang arts and crafts na mahabang furry thing. and that year for my birthday, i super wanted to have a slumber party just because i had that. pero fail.

and now i want a feather boa, a slumber party, painting each other's toe nails, watching sad movies, pop corn and ice cream, dancing, singing, karaoke maybe, maybe drinking, make up, and gossiping.

sigh.

banana, banana, who are you?

i was at the nstp area this morning, and i was watching our nstp students teach the kids BANANA. (it's a popular, uhm, cheer done in ateneo). Tapos one of our students asked the kids, "kids alam nyo ba kung ano yung banana?? sino makakasabi sa akin kung ano ang banana?" (pertaining to the fruit ha, not the dance) i dunno why they had to ask, but i guess it was to catch the attention of the kids. enthralled by the senselessness (MEHGANON) of the question, i answered it myself just in my mind.

"it's a sweet, yellow, elongated fruit"

tapos napaisip ako. i was just describing its physical features. for more, i didn't even consider the green bananas, or the tiny bananas that were as big as a pinky. tapos naisip ko bigla,

can anyone really answer "who am i?"

here are just some of my thoughts:
- yes, but then perhaps the truest answer would have to come from you because YOU KNOW who you are. but then how will that matter when you co-exist with other people, and how you are to them is all that matters?

- just like saying, i'm the daughter of mylene, i'm an assumptionista and an atenista, i live in the dorm. i'm describing the world i live in, the people i'm with, the identities and labels i've acquired. what if i just lived in a vacuum, where "I" am the only one existing. would i have an identity?

- no, (you can have your own opinion) because identity always has to be relative. because you're not alone. you don't exist in a vacuum. you need ateneo to be an atenista. you need mylene to be her daughter. you need ISO to be a dormer. you need this certain person to exist to be a someone who loves.

- back to my first point, then again. if we're talking about qualities here, if you're saying "i'm a kind person"... you'd still need other people to know if you're really kind, or more importantly, you'd need other people to do kindness to. right? "i'm a more anti-social, laidback, go with the flow kind of person" you can only be anti-social when you're not actually socializing with people around you. if there's no one around, no one to socialize with, you can't exactly call yourself an anti-social because there's no one to socialize with in the first place. roit? i'm a go with the flow kind of person? what's the flow? who made the
flow? where's the flow coming from? it's still something outside of one's psyche.

- and i think one's scheme of things, one's psyche just stems from one's surroundings. it's like hearing millions of frogs kokak-ing all at the same time outside your window, then you realize you hate frogs. how will you hate frogs without experiencing frogs?

- and so if who you really are comes from the outside, and what comes from the outside is the only thing that matters, than one should make some effort into making that image. for example everyone says you're a beech, but you really know that deep inside you're a nice person. a friendly down-to-earth person. but that niceness won't matter because everyone will treat you like a beech coz that's how they see you. you'd have to make an effort to show them your nice side right? so that they'd treat you appropriately. right? this is sad.

- because if everything in this world comes from an outsider's pov, then how do we really know if anything is true? gets ba? ako kasi hindi na.

if you're a bitch and you're treated like one -->> but really you're nice
and only your bitchiness will matter because that's how everyone sees you (unless you do something to change that)... and your niceness won't matter. then your bitchiness is not your true self.

we do this to everyone. it's called OBJECTIFICATION. we perceive things through the lenses of our own world. and because this is just how things are, just because they simply are, then how do we know if anything is true. how do we know if this reality, seen through our lenses, is authentic and in its truest form? in my world, my perception of banana was always long and yellow. pero di natin alam what makes the banana yellow, why are others green, sometimes they're very short din. but that's not our problem anymore is it? because what's important is that our world knows what banana is. and what our world says about it is the correct one. (okay ang labo ng example ng banana, i'll think of other examples)

oh i have an example. let's say we know this friend who has always been jolly and funny and outspoken and perky. and then one day she comes to you, all weary and sad. she tells you about her problems, and then you tell her, "just laugh it all off, that's what you always do diba, and it works most of the time! do it again! you can do it!" then she tells you it's different this time, and no amount of laughter or perkiness can change the situation. tapos magagalit tayo and we say na hindi siya marunong makinig, na ang nega nya. actually, nagagalit tayo dahil sa lenses ng world natin, she's perky. tapos she comes to you, and sira na yung perception nyo sa kanya. there's incoherence because you see both realities, from your lenses and what she's projecting to you, and you can't really understand na. gets?


___________________________________________
huuhuhuh sana may maka gets sakin diba!!!!!!! i've put a lot of thought into that. ang tagal kong nag-iicip, i even typed it in my phone just to remember my points.

all i'm saying is that maybe we shouldn't get too caught up in our own worlds. and maybe it's really hard to figure out what is true and what isn't.



and trust me, all these realizations started from just a banana. :)


and because of that, i'm going to post something totally unrelated like this:

random blog

because i feel super wala lang today, i'm gonna post a wala lang blog. because i feel wala lang.

1. maam rosana's hair looks weird.

2. i'm kind of stressed. i feel the strong tamad vibes running through my veins. yung feeling na AYOKO NA TALAGANG PUMASOK AS IN AYOKO NA TALAGA!!!!! hay. ang hirap kasi pag every mwf isa lang class mo, tapos bukas walang pasok, tapos kapag tth, yung mga profs parang wala lang din. hindi ako humihingi ng mabigat na load, wala lang. wah.

3. i'm tired of waking up and thinking about what to eat for that day. pwede ba akong gumising and just eat whatever manang remya or chari cooks for that day. kahit ano. be it our famous Concepcion household favorites like torta, sotanghon, adobo or whatever. yun yung mga staples sa bahay eh. feeling ko kasi for the past 10 years ko sa iloilo, dapat makain namin yun sa bahay at least 5x a week. HAHAHA. pero ngayon, I DONT CARE because i don't want to think about food na. saka nakakatamad magluto. sadfjkhamcjfa!!!!! i still have to wash the dishes everytime i do. i'm tamad. oh no, pano nalang kung magcocondo na ako? HUHUHUUHUHH. can i have household help. please. huhuhuhu

4. i want jello shots. really.

5. we rode the e-trike today! at dahil 30 minutes kaming pagala-gala sa ateneo with the e-trike's max of 20kph, haha.
here's what we found out:
- dating trike driver si kuya, at kinuha sita ng ateneo to drive the etrike!
- max speed 20 kph. some ateneo high boys ran after us, at nakasakay sila habang tumatakbo yung trike. haha.
- other trike drivers want to drive it din daw kahit mabagal!
- they run on motolite batteries, it's rechargeable!
- the battery can last for a day, then they recharge it for four hours!
- there are just 4 etrikes in school!
- they travel just inside ateneo!
- it's 7.50 per head with companion, and 15 for single passenger. :)

6. six na ba? ENTA performed for SPEED's annual carnival dubbed SPARKLE! we're happy we made special kids happy! sana. hahaha.

pictures taken by alden baleva

7. word vomit. i want to vomit everything.

8. ablablabla

hormonal imbalance

i couldn't think of any title, and this was a random top of the head title. because lately, according to my mother, i've been undergoing transition anxieties. or whatever you call that. i don't know, i don't even feel like i'm 20. the other day, i was at the infirmary (which i shall explain later why i ended up there) and they asked me how old i was, i said "19.. ay omg. 20 na pala ako.." then i remembered that i was filling up a form the other day and i put 19 as my age. i seriously feel like i'm still 19. haha.

what's up with the transition anxieties thing? it's really weird, but i've been having nights where i can't sleep just because my sleeping position isn't THE RIGHT ONE. do you feel that way? na parang there's this PERFECT SLEEPING POSITION every night, and it's a struggle to find it. lately, i've been having trouble getting sleep just because i'm not getting the perfect sleeping position. arg. and it's not just that that's keeping me from getting good sleep. lately, i've been feeling nauseous in whatever position i sleep in. lying flat facing up, on my sides, flat on the bed, or even sitting up. ewan. my friend ate vir thinks i'm pregnant.

and sorry, i know it's bad, but i've been cutting classes. A LOT. my very first 2 cuts were for DIRECTING CLASS. imagine that. 1. because i'm an insecure little prick and 2. because i'm scared. 3. i'm frustrated. and then the following cuts were for theology just because i thought coming to class wouldn't make any difference. having just theo class every MWF makes you prone to being tamad forever. exag. i promise not to cut anymore. huhu. (pinilit kong magka crush sa theo, para may motivation akong pumasok. HAHA. meron, his name is joel. pero di talaga ako seryoso dun. hehe)

SO WHAT HAVE I BEEN UP TO!!!!!
after my birthday, i was at UST for hillary clinton. and i accidentally met mo twister. HAHA. ANG BOBO KASI NG WHOLE PANGYAYARI.
security at the forum was a bitch, and they didn't want my camera inside the premises. so i had to go back to the bus to leave it behind. i rushed back to the auditorium, to the very front row seats because that's where the ateneans were. tapos danica said "timee oh!!" and she was pointing at someone. i assumed that THAT someone was an atenean i knew, we knew. so i immediately said a perky "HEY!!!!" without looking. when i did, it was MO TWISTER. i slowly put my hand down, with no face to show. HAHA.

we had an ENTA PHOTOSHOOT by kevin tatco (click here to check out his portfolio. magaling siya. promise. he covered mar&korina's wedding!) and the GA after. it was fuun!

ENTABLADO EXECUTIVE BOARD 09-10 (L-R) Sang Mee, Tal, Ekha, Omar, Danica, Sir Jet, Timee & Jeds

i was with Cas, Z, (not in photo)Bianca & Danica. :)

during that weekend, we went to NCCA(Natural Cultural Center for the Arts?) in Intramuros to attend this forum on papers made by some known people about the arts, theater and whatnot. HAHA. i thought it was going to be a workshop so i thought it would be super interesting. but. FAIL. i fell asleep.

after my birthday was lei's birthday! we had dinner at chili's in greenhills, super yummy dinner! tapos gar and i hung out muna sa eastwood. wala nagsabawan lang kami. then went to AJMA's shindig party. went home early kasi we were tired na. haha. wala pa akong pictures, hope lei uploads soon! :)

also, i got zooper sick last week. i had fever so i skipped rehearsals, and that's also why i had to cut directing and theo. haha. hai nako. my body is SO WEIRD!!! haha

Last week was also Tahanan's photoshoot. please watch SA TAHANAN NG AKING AMA on January2010. :) It's ENTABLADO's 2nd semester production, and we're turning over a new leaf for this prod. it's a straight play this time, different from the comedies we usually do. :) I'm part of the documentation and publications committee, so i've been around the photoshoots lately. :) HAHA. aside from having my photos taken, i've been playing around with the camera, and in fairness. in fairness to me. :)
i took these photos of josh(i hate you) and say during the photoshoot. haha.
uhm, i don't really know. haha. i was just fooling around. i was sick during that time. that's how i usually am when i'm sick and i'm not in bed. a bit hyper. hahaha. very hyper, that i got myself burnt by a curling iron. why you ask? because JOSHUA LAGANDAON burnt me. yes. he was holding the thing near my arm, and the thing hit me, i shrieked a little. haha. when i looked at it, it was just pink. so i assumed that it would just go away after a few minutes. when i looked at it again because it started to hurt, it was SUPER RED. so i went to the infirmary, found that all the doctors were just making tambay, so they all looked at my burnt skin. VIP daw ako coz all 4 doctors took a look at it. haha.
it was really bad. until now it's mahapdi. kanina nga i accidentally scratched it kaya dumugo siya. sorry. too much info ba? haha. natatawa lang ako. that i can get into these accidents. nadadapa sa dance floor. napapaso. diba bata lang dapat nagkakaganon? HAHAHA.

Tahanan rehearsals are also ongoing. :) i'm just standing by. watching rehearsals. eating pandesal, playing fishville or cafe world. standing in sometimes. hahah it's all fun! :)

it was also my ate vir's birthday! :) we surprised her with paolo's fondant zebra/toilet cake!
it's masarap, infairness!!! :) we all gave her zebra items for her birthday! :) i gave her that zebra stationery we found at scribe the other day. :)
HAPPY BIRTHDAY ATE VIR!! :) WE LOVE YOU! :)

oh oh! and the other day, ate vir, kate and i went planner hunting in High Street. i was supposed to buy the Audrey Hepburn Teneues planner, but i didn't like the layout of the planner itself. so i suspended buying my planner, until we went to eastwood at this store called SCRIBE. :) they have cool stationery stuff like journals, diaries, planners, pens, pads, and scrapbook items. :) their scribe planner looks like a moleskine, but i think what i got was soooo much better. :)
it's a suuuper simple planner(no kabaklaan like Belle du Jour or special pages like the Starbucks planners), but the cover is super pretty. this metallic pink planner is just P345!!! that's super okay na noh compared to other planners na P700++ they have it in red, black and other colors as well. :) the downside of this planner (DOWNSIDE?) is that it starts on dec28 pa. i've been so excited to write on it na, so i just started writing down the birthdays of people while di pa pwede. haha :)


SO! :)
as i end the blog, dahil lumalamig na ang panahon. dahil malapit na ang Christmas. and malapit na ang Christmas VACATION, i leave you with this.
kthnxbye.