TWENTY

taken by my friend krizette at my debut. :)

i have never dreaded the coming of my birthday. i usually feel jittery and giddy days before my birthday. it's been that way forever. but now it's different. i feel more of anxiety than being giddy. i've never hated a number so much. in 2 days i'll be turning 20. i'll no longer be a teen.

being 20 is like, officially not becoming a candidate of juvenile delinquency anymore. pag kasi 18 or 19, people can still say bata pa yan. but when you're 20, it's like you're part of the adult force already. it's like saying 49.99 is cheaper than 50 pesos.

yeah sure i was excited when i turned 18. because when i was 17, eastwood wouldn't let me watch borat or robinsons wouldn't let me watch brokeback mountain when i was 16. and in rustans, i'd have to pretend i was old and mature enough to buy liquor so that they wouldn't ask for my id.

wala lang. i just feel weird that i'm going to be 20. i can't believe my parents' first child is going to turn 20. wala lang, i always had that thought na my parents were only the type of parents who'd take care of little kids. can't imagine them talking to us siblings about stock exchange or careers and stuff.

i know 20 is just the beginning, but. i don't even want to start anything. it. haha. people older than me may say it's nothing compared to how old they are, (i'm thinking about my lolo here okay) but the thing is, i don't want to be older. is it ever possible that no one turns a year older? that my sister will stay 8 forever? that i'll just be 19, and just be 19? (be a vampire perhaps?)

now, i'm feeling that 20 is JUST AN AGE. my mind and heart will always be 13. HAHA no seriously. when i turn 20, the age will be 20, but the timee will still be that 19 year old strong little girl.

on the other hand, speaking about strong. turning 20 makes me feel strong. i feel like i can laugh about the things that happened when i was 19, put it behind me and move on. :)