WARNING: RANTING AND TANTRUM-ing LIKE A CHILD

1. WHY/HOW HAS IT COME TO THIS?!!!!!
I have stayed strong for a year! But was strong for the wrong reasons! I thought being strong was forgetting it and hiding it in a dark dark place. I suppressed it all, avoided the thought and any feeling that might trigger anything and now look at me!!!! Something finally pushed the button at nagkakalat ako! I'm stalking pages, tracking down names and numbers, reading old messages and looking at old pictures, and turning more fragile by the minute. what is this!!!!!!


2. NO!!! I'M STRONG!!!
I am facing this shi*!!!! I don't care what happens, I'm facing this! I don't care what anyone says about it, I'm going to have to face this and not avoid it anymore! That's what being strong is about!!! It's about time I do this, and it's about time TO GET IT OVER AND DONE WITH!! okay?! I'm just tired. I will not overthink this!


3.REPRINT!
I don't deserve it really. So.


4. CONFEERM IT!
If there is, then back off. If there's none, then attack!!!! HAHAHA


5. IT'S SO HOT!!!
I wish I brought a really big shirt and shorts. or I wish there was a pool in the yard and i'll just jump in even with my clothes still on.


6. BACK TO REALITY
the last 3 days of the semester will be a big big push. as in isang ire nalang talaga timee. you survived the worst last year, i think you can survive anything now talaga. HAHAGOGOGO! tapos pag sembreak, hibernate na ng todohan.


7. I DON'T LIKE NEGA TALAGA
okay i was a bit, (ok ikaw na mag judge, ikaw na ang perfect) nega in this bit, but i warned you that it was all ranting and stuff. pero you know that feeling when you're throwing out your cool and amazing ideas and thoughts, and someone says something that'll burst your bubbles, or say something disappointing and nega, and doesn't make bawi it with a solution that he/she can suggest? it really ticks me off. it really does. i super don't like that feeling, lalo na ngayon, SOBRANG INIT PA NAMAN.


8. 5 SECONDS AGO I FACED IT
shucks. thisisit. hahahaha!


9. OMG I'M GOING BACK TO SCHOOL!!!!
I'm finally going back to school! getting my life back on track!!!!!! i can do this!!!!! ito na talaga! i will be studying in Ateneo again, getting my masters degree in Developmental Psychology... the chair gave me subjects I could take this semester, and i'm taking group therapy and advanced developmental psychology! wooh! and then i checked out the course outline for my program, I WANT TO TAKE ALL! so i'll probably shift to the non-thesis track so i can maximize my time and get more and more subjects! i have never been so psyched about school! i sidenoted (whattaword) in facebook "now watch this enthusiasm slowly fade away".... I HOPE IT WON'T! IM SO EXCITED!


10. WORK + SCHOOL + THEATER + SELF
PRIORITIES! WORK: I will do my best being a teacher! i have a dream for these kids and i will do everything in my power to help them grow and make them looove learning! that's why i'm studying!
SCHOOL: and those mediocre grades in highschool and even college? watch me do better. I have dreams. I want this. I will do everything I can to do the things I want.(word vomiting na, stream of thoughts)
THEATER: theater? i will no longer be afraid to try. i will be more confident! i will learn more. get into more workshops and get myself better at things. i will never be perfect, but i will never never never stop trying. SELF: I deserve to be treated well and loved by me, on top of everyone else. I should love myself for myself (self-esteem issues) and embrace my imperfections!!!!! hindi talaga ako magiging perfect!!!! pero ako ito eh! at perfect na ako, kasama yung imperfections ko!!!!! hahahaha!! i will treat my body better: live a healthy life and avoid poisons! (hindi literal yung lason part)


GO FIGHT ROAR!!!!!!!!
TEAM ME!

KOTA KINABALU!

have lots of blog catching up to do! haha! I'm in Kota Kinabalu right now and so far i'm enjoying how we're spending our vacation!!! we watched a malaysian movie today and we were so ready to experience not understanding anything at all, but we were in luck! the movie we watched, LOVE YOU YOU, had subtitles! AND IT WAS SUPER NICE! Check it out!!!

will blog more soon!