contradictory to some (or someone's) belief, theater is one half of me. the half that doesn't think of 'omg-i-need-life-direction', the half that isn't busy at work.
take away theater, i'm half empty.
i've been to at least 2 interviews this week, one for a workshop and one for a possible career path. and they both asked me the same question, why theater? how did i get into theater? what can theater do to the other half of me? (questionSS pala)
today, i stumbled on this theater critic's blog, and i envy him. He gets invited to watch all these plays, he gets to review them. And who has seen this guy on stage anyway? how credible is he to say stuff about these artsy-fartsy events if he doesn' do it? Who knows. Nevertheless, his reviews matter, and he really knows the stuff he's saying on his blog. (he's the only one out there, or prominently out there, so i guess you could figure out who this is) and i thought, 'GEE. (talagang sinabi ko yung GEE haha) if this dude just mentions me in one of his blogs, it would be LEGEN-wait for it-DARY.'
and all i want is to train and keep on honing this talent (naisip ko tuloy, do i really have the talent, or do i think i have just because i've been doing this for so long? shucks shucks, self-esteem ko na naman haha) and there will never be an end to it. after all, the outputs, the plays themselves, are part of the process. I especially envy those who do theater for a living. One prod won't pay enough; imagine rehearsing for 3 months and getting 6-8k for your participation. (fyi, this is not accurate. for some actors, they get more according to their status in the industry. sometimes, it also depends on the theater company you're joining. but kung hindi ka kasing taas ni Irma Adlawan and Noni Buencamino, that's about what you'll get) Again, i believe it's not called 'work' even if you do it for a living. It's a vocation. So these people, they join 3 productions at a time just so they could get by. And though it may not pay for all my luho, i'd take theater over anything, anytime.
But then, theater is just half of me. Even if i wanted to, I cannot. The other half of me still dreams of putting up a theater (SO ANONG OTHER HALF? HAHA) company for children with special needs, dreams of putting up a mobile school that offers progressive education for the less fortunate (ang hirap! but THIS WILL HAPPEN!), among many other things. And alongside theater, I have to do everything it takes to help me attain all these. But I cannot do all these without theater. It drives me crazy. It makes me unproductive.
So, in my next theater venture, I'm taking PETA's Creative Musical Theater workshop this summer. I already did my interview and I already paid for the workshop. This is what I want. And I'm going to make sure to participate in other theater companies and watch more plays to broaden my exposure.
As I read his blog, I envy those people who get to do theater this taas and still be able to do other things. I want to blog about theater and actually know what i'm talking about, I want to be able to write a matinong review on a play, on a movie, on anything artsy-fartsy, and maybe soon, stop calling 'this' discipline artsy-fartsy! hahaha I feel like I have no time to do all the things I want to do!! But then I have friends who are my age, and who have done SO MUCH in just a span of years. Maybe I can do that too, after all, I'm just 21. I've a whole lifetime ahead of me. (wow, that's really long, i hope i live long to do everything)
and I, a hopeless romantic, who dreams of one day meeting her knight in shining armor, the guy who will sweep her off her feet and take her breath away, have forgotten to include "Start a family" or "Get married" in planning out her life. then again, these things, I offer it to serendipity and fate. These are things that shouldn't be planned naman. (wala lang parang gusto ko lang imention ang love. char)
napa-reflect lang ako when someone screamed at me over the phone last week saying
"nag-direct ka na ba ever?! alam mo ba talaga kung ano ang ginagawa ng isang direktor?!"
napaisip ako.
hindi talaga ako perfect. hindi ako sure sa lahat ng ginagawa ko. pero hindi rin ako titigil na subukan hangga't sa makakaya ko. at kahit sigawan man ako ng isang milyong katao, i will never stop trying.
yun lang. :)
